


Rest

by KyberChronicles



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Backstory, Can also be read as Non-Romantic/Friendship I Suppose, Cassian Andor-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Pre-Relationship, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyberChronicles/pseuds/KyberChronicles
Summary: After nine-year-old Cassian Andor stared into the lifeless eyes of his father’s body where it had landed in the dusty, crowded road, he didn’t sleep for six days.





	Rest

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on Tumblr as a prompt fill for crazy-fruit: "You need Rest."

After nine-year-old Cassian Andor stared into the lifeless eyes of his father’s body where it had landed in the dusty, crowded road, he didn’t sleep for six days.

(It was a record that took him seven years to finally break, during a mission on Hosk Station that went far past sideways.  He went twelve days without sleep then, but he tried to erase those days from his memory as much as possible.)

He barely remembered those six days, except in flashes.  He remembered someone grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the body--his father--and leading him towards the forest for cover.  He remembered that someone falling to the ground next to him, no longer a someone but a some _ thing, _ like his father.  

Bodies, nothing more.

He remembered climbing a tree.  That’s what his father had told him to do, if there was trouble.  

“Head for the mountains or the forest, Cass.  If you make it to the mountains, climb as high as you can, and stay hidden behind the rocks.  If you make it to the trees, climb one, up to the highest branch that will hold you.  Either way, you find a safe, secure spot, you stay quiet, and you wait for me.  Do you hear me? Do not move from your hiding place. I will come find you.”

He remembered sitting up in the tree until the chaos died down and the forest was silent, save for birds and other animals calling to each other in the growing darkness.  He remembered crying when it hit him that neither his father nor anyone else was coming for him.  

He remembered climbing down from the tree and sneaking into the Academy, though it took a few hours of waiting and watching.  He remembered sneaking his way onto a departing cargo shuttle and crouching between the large crates for hours--his legs aching, his stomach growling, but staying quiet and still, just like his father had told him to.

Eventually, he had gotten off the ship when it landed and the crew had departed, and found himself on Castell.  The next few days were spent rummaging through receptacles for food and sneaking into refreshers of the local businesses for water.  He remembered squeezing into an dark alleyway to try and sleep for a few hours sometime during the fourth day, but some older boys followed him and roughed him up.  He didn’t try to sleep again until he found himself on a small ship with a stone-faced man called “Draven”, who had witnessed him sneak into a restaurant and lift almost a five-course meal without any of the staff or customers noticing.  Cassian had thought that Draven was going to have him arrested, but instead he offered him a place in the Rebellion, where he wouldn’t have to worry about stealing food or finding shelter anymore.

“Do you support the Empire?” Draven had asked.  Cassian had only stared at the man, his rage boiling behind his dark eyes.

He remembered the relief from the canteen of water that Draven handed him once they left atmo.  He remembered how good the nutrition bars he scarfed down tasted (seventeen years of the stuff had changed his opinion quite drastically, however).  And then he didn’t remember anything else, because he finally slept.

But mostly he remembered the feeling of being so tired that nothing felt completely real.  The numbness of exhaustion was almost a relief, because he hadn’t had the energy to worry or grieve or be frightened.  It had felt like living in hazy dream, and it had helped him survive those first several days.

It was with that memory in mind that he went looking for Jyn in the middle of night, two days after the Death Star had been destroyed.  

They were still on Yavin, waiting for clearance to be evacuated to Hoth.  They’d be one of the first groups out, mainly due to Cassian’s still-healing injuries.  He’d be useless in a fight, but he could assist with the launch of the new command center and organize the work of the grounds crew already on base.  He was both frustrated and relieved by his assignment, anxious to get back to the fight yet relieved to have something to do.  He had never felt more helpless than when he sat in the command center as the fleet attacked the Death Star, stuck in wheelchair in the shadows of the War Room.  The only thing that kept him from shaking apart at the seams was Jyn, who stood silent and still next to him, gripping his hand.

She had looked tired then, the proof in the dark smudges under her green eyes visible even through the darkness of the room.

“She’s not sleeping, Cassian,” Bodhi had whispered to him in the mess just that morning, before Jyn had joined them.  “I don’t think she has since the princess was captured.”

If that was true, it meant she hadn’t slept in over a week.

While he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries between them, the guilt (for not realizing earlier) and worry had become unable to bear over the course of the day and into the night, until he shrugged on his jacket, left his quarters, and went searching for her.

He found her where he thought he would-- high on the steps that ascended the outside of the temple.  It had taken him awhile to climb them, leaning heavily on the cane that the medics had provided, and he was winded by the time he reached her.  She was gazing up at the night sky.

“We have people assigned to overnight watch, you know,” he said quietly.

He frowned as her eyes slid over to him.  The circles under her eyes were darker, and she looked pale and disoriented.  

He really should’ve noticed it sooner, incoming Death Star or not.

“Another set of eyes doesn’t hurt,” she replied, her voice raspier than usual.

He sat down next to her, his thigh pressing against hers.

“Jyn,” he sighed.  **“You need rest.”**

She shook her head.  

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

She didn’t answer.

“Bodhi’s concerned,” he told her, and she flinched.

“There’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“Jyn,” he gently chided.  “You’re not sleeping.”

She fell silent again.

The quiet stretched out between them.  In the distance, he could make out the sounds of the creatures in the forest, and he was reminded once more of his sleepless night in a tree on Carida.

“Victory always comes at a cost,” he said slowly.  “People forget that.”

Jyn inhaled sharply.

He hesitated for only a moment before placing his hand over hers.

“You should feel no shame in not wanting to celebrate what you lost.”

Silence again.

“What do I do instead?” she asked, barely more than a whisper.

“Keep fighting,” he answered. “That’s what I do.”

Another pause.  He summoned the courage for his next words.

“They assigned me a double, when I was released.  So I’d have more room to get around, I think. The extra bed is yours, if you want it.”  

His heart was hammering in his chest.

“I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t be in the way?” Jyn asked, after a long pause.  

He exhaled.

“Not at all,” he replied.  Then, very slowly and carefully, he curled his fingers around her hand. He watched her bow her head, her lips curved in a small smile.

“I’m still not used to this,” she admitted.  

Cassian wasn’t either.  But later, when he heard her breaths even out as she lay on the bunk above his in his quarters, he decided that he was more than willing to get there.

**Author's Note:**

> I, as always, live for Cassian backstory.
> 
> Also, the entirety of Episode IV supposedly takes place over six days. Not sure if that's been confirmed, but I went with it for the purposes of this story.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
